hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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