I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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