I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There are leaves in my underwear?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
