2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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