my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
