I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
