I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
