if i died would you start the facebook group?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
