Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
