if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize