so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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