Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize