I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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