ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
