Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
