so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
