saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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