I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
