Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
