We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
