is your mom at the bar?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize