she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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