the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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