Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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