It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
