Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
