I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
