In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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