Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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