Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
