her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
