Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
