the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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