and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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