If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
