That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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