no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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