I can tuck mytits in my pants
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize