Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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