you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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