it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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