Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
