I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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