Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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