Are we in a gay sports bar?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
