I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize