There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
