If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
