I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
