I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
