I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
