it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
