please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
