This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
