Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
