You made me cry and you don't even care
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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