also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
