i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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