i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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