I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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