I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
