These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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