operation harelip BJ is a go
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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