Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I believe in your delicious
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
