If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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