If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
