Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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