I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
