used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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