chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
