I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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