after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
