i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
