How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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