well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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