i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
