oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
