currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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