I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
