i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She bit a glass in half.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
