This is not my ceiling
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Even my vagina gasped.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
