I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
