the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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