i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
