tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
