So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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