i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
